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by missamericachavez



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Drinking, F/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-13 06:21:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16887261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missamericachavez/pseuds/missamericachavez
Summary: Sam defeated the devil and died protecting the people he cares about. Before he sacrifices himself he begs Dean to stop hunting and start a life with the reader. Dean doesn’t exactly listen.





	1. Chapter 1

Sam had done it. He had beat the devil himself. You should feel relief, but you don’t. You just feel numb. Your best friend was gone. Sam was gone. This man who has been your best friend since you were 7 years old sacrificed his life to save the fucking world and you couldn’t be more devastated. Your eyes flicker over to Bobby lying still on the ground covered in Cas’ blood and another sob rips through you. You could only imagine how Dean must feel right now.

Dean. Fuck. You manage to tear your eyes off of the spot in the ground that Sam and thrown himself through to look up at Dean. His face is bloody and swollen as he falls to his knees in front of the rings on the ground. You pick yourself up off of the ground and walk on shaky legs to him. He doesn’t move, doesn’t even acknowledge you, just reaches for the rings and stares at the yellow patch of grass begging it to open and give him his brother back. You drop down beside him and wrap him in your arms as you cry.

You don’t know how long you sit there just holding him, but it feels like hours that the two of you wait for a miracle. When Cas appears, you stare at him in awe as he heals Dean and resurrects Bobby. When Dean’s ready, you make your way to the car and fall into the back seat Cas in the front.

At some point you must have fallen asleep because when you wake up Dean’s pulling into a motel parking lot. You sit up and Dean’s eyes lock with yours through the rear view mirror. He pushes open his door and jumps out grabbing your things from the trunk. When you open the door to the room, you mumble about a shower and walk quickly to the bathroom closing the door behind you. Stepping under the spray, you let the tears fall freely again.

After about 30 minutes, Dean knocks on the door trying to get your attention. When you don’t answer, he picks the lock on the bathroom door and barges in to make sure you’re ok. He sees you standing frozen under the spray, removes his clothes, and steps in behind you pulling you to his chest. Dean finally coaxes you out of the shower and helps you dress.

The next morning when you wake up, you feel Dean snuggled in behind you and you turn over to face him. Your thumb smooths over the furrow in his brow and then your eyes flick to the empty bed behind him. That’s when you remember. Sam’s gone.

You sit up leaning over onto the floor pulling out your laptop ready to search for a way to bring him home when Dean’s eyes blink open. He looks up at you then at the clock behind you. It’s five am. Your fingers glide over the keyboard.

“What are you doing?” he asks you.

“What do you mean ‘what am I doing’? Trying to find someway to get Sam out of the pit,” you reply not making eye contact with him.

“No,” he says sitting up. “Stop. Sam’s gone, baby. He’s not coming back.”

“Not with that attitude.”

“No. Listen, this is our chance. There’s no apocalypse anymore. We can live the life we always wanted. We could get a place you and me and we can settle down. We don’t have to hunt anymore.”

“Dean look at me,” you say staring blankly at him. “My best friend, your brother, is dead. I want him back and I thought you’d be with me on this.”

“I want him back too but we can’t live our lives like this. We need to move on. It’s what Sam wanted.”

“Sam doesn’t want shit he’s dead!”

“I know,” he sighs. “I know but that doesn’t mean we have to stop living because of it.”

“Dean, I’m not going to give up on him,” you say avoiding his eyes.

“Then I can’t stay here with you,” he says.

“What are you gonna do just leave me,” you say slamming your laptop shut.

“I don’t want to but I can’t live like this,” he stands up moving towards his bag pulling on a shirt and a pair of pants.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” you spit angrily at him.

“Sam’s dead. I will not obsess over how to bring him back because he’s not going to come back. I can not stay with you if all you’re going to be is a constant reminder of what we’ve lost!”

“Well fine then just go. Fucking run away like you always do!” you yell and he does. He grabs his duffel throwing it over his shoulder. He walks right out the door and a few seconds later you hear the impala rumble to life then the familiar rumble fades away as it leaves you behind. You think maybe he just needs time. People grieve in different ways, maybe he just needs a moment to calm down and he’ll be back ready to help you find his brother. 

But the day passes as you wait for him. You look at the time and it’s almost three in the morning and he’s still not back. You fall asleep around 4 and when you wake up still no sign of Dean. You wait around at that motel for 3 days before you know he’s not coming back for you. He abandoned you, left you behind. You told him to leave, but it was just a fight, right? The two of you have had plenty before, he’d leave for an hour and calm down, but three days? Never.

You try calling him and his phone goes to voicemail. At first you try leaving messages for him and sending him texts. On day six, you try him again and this time the automated voice on the other end tells you that the number has been disconnected. You search for Sam for about 4 months before giving up. You tried, hoping maybe if you could get him back Dean would come back too. When you find nothing, you go back to hunting and living your life.

You’re in a crappy bar about two months later in the middle of Montana, just finished a wendigo case when you see him. The long brown hair makes your heart clench in your chest. You march over to him on a mission. As you get closer the sound of his voice makes your heart stop it is him. Your hand reaches for his shoulder spinning him to face you. You stare into his big brown eyes and try to catch your breath. Sam is alive.


	2. Chapter 2

You grab Sam by the hand pulling him into a back alley. When he doesn’t flinch immediately because of the silver ring on your finger, you rule out shifter. Before turning around to face him, you pull a flask from your pocket and douse him with holy water only for him to just stare blankly back at you. It’s him it really truly is Sam. You pull him into a tight hug crushing him to your chest.

“How the fuck are you even here right now?” you ask breathless.

“I honestly don’t know,” he responds.

“Well how long have you been back?” you ask him because running into him was a total accident so you know he wasn’t searching for you or Dean.

“About six months,” he says.

“You mean the whole six months you’ve been gone you’ve actually not been dead at all?”

“Yea I woke up right in the middle of that goddamn field,” he sighs. You shove him pretty hard against the bricks on the building behind him.

“You asshole. I searched for you for months and you’ve been hunting this whole time. You couldn’t have sent a girl a postcard or something. Like ‘hey fresh out of the cage let’s hang’. Nope. Nothing. Not even a text or a single phone call!”

“Well to be fair, you were supposed to be living an apple pie life with Dean but I only just found out last month that he didn’t stay with you,” he says and you’re confused.

“What are you talking about apple pie life,” you ask him.

“I told him to get a house with you and get out of the life. When I came back he was with you but then last month I find out he’s shacked up with Lisa?”

“He’s with Lisa?” You had never found out where Dean had disappeared to. You were almost worried that maybe he was hunting and had died and that’s why he dropped off the map. But he left you for Lisa. He left and got the family he always wanted. He knew he couldn’t have it with you, so he went back to her.

“Yea, he seemed happy. I guess.” Sam continues talking, something about the two of you catching up and maybe working a case together, but all you can think about is Dean and his happy little family. You could have had that with him, but you’d been so focused on everything going back to the way they were that you let him walk out that door and never come back. You pushed him right into her arms because you hadn’t been there for him. This was your own fault though that didn’t make it hurt any less.

* * *

The two of you start hunting together again, but it’s not the same as it was. Dean wasn’t there for one and Sam was just… different? He was harder and crueler than he used to be. The Sam you used to remember was great with people. He was sympathetic towards the victims, he was nice. This guy didn’t care. He didn’t take all cases with you either. Sometimes you’d wake and his bed would be empty. He’d disappear for a week or two then find you when he’s done.

After a particularly hard hunt, the two of you get drunk in your motel room and you decide to finally ask him about Dean. You ask if he’s spoken to him, how he’s doing, if he misses you. The answers you get only serve to make things worse especially in your drunken state. You knew who Lisa was and you knew about Ben, but you never imagined he would give up on you so easily. It took one argument for him to run. You should have figured this would happen eventually. Lisa had been everything Dean wanted. Normalcy. She had a son that wasn’t his, but he could pretend. A house on a nice street. A job that didn’t involve monsters and she wasn’t a hunter.

You’re surprised he even wanted to try with you. You couldn’t offer him any of that. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the need to feel loved again that made you lean into Sam and press your lips against his. His kisses are harsh and rough, his teeth sinking into your bottom lip, but he’ll due for right now. He pushes you down onto the mattress covering his body with yours.

He sheds his clothes letting you tug at your own clothes tossing them across the room. He grabs a condom from the nightstand tearing it open with his teeth before slipping it onto his hard cock. When he presses into you, he starts a brutal pace. When you cum, your head presses hard against the pillow beneath you. He grunts his hips stuttering as he cums into the condom.

When he pulls out of you, that’s when the guilt and sadness sets in. Your eyes fill up with fresh tears as you remind yourself where Dean is right now. He doesn’t care about you. He left you. He chose her over you. He chose to have a family with Lisa not with you. If he gave a damn about you, he’d have been here with you, but he isn’t.

When you wake up the next morning, the bed is empty beside you and so is the other bed in the room. It doesn’t surprise you Sam disappears often. So you gather your things and move onto the next town putting what happened with Sam in the back of your mind.


End file.
